Houston Marathon Race Report

I haven't been in a hurry to write this race report post as I have been pretty conflicted about how I feel about the marathon and a bit less than excited about this one. I should strive to find the positives in all things, even something like this that honestly was not that enjoyable of an experience.  You will understand in my report below.

That was probably the hardest one I've done strictly because I wasn't as ready and the weather was beyond terrible for an hour or so.I started out trying to stick to the plan, which was to walk one minute at the end of each mile, but the wind and rain were so brutal, I was having trouble focusing. Everything seemed so chaotic in the midst of the rain and driving wind, which was blowing the rain sideways in sheets into the left side of my body. My HR strap came loose in the first couple of miles so I had to get that all fixed back, then at some point, I lost TWO of my gels! I had them in my race belt, and I guess they weren't secure and just slipped out. After the first round of rain stopped, after 20-30 minutes from the start of the race, I calmed down and just tried to regroup. I was cold. I was soaking wet. My gloves were soaked so I got rid of them. I had on arm sleeves that helped even though they too were soaked, and I had made a last minute decision to put on capri tights instead of shorts. I’m glad I did because it helped shield some of the wind, but my clothes stayed wet for about 4 hours. The rain came back around mile 6 I think, and it was really hard with huge drops. I would say by mile 8 or 9, it stopped for good. Someone in the crowd even said that the radar was clear. So I regrouped again, fought off the urge to turn around with the half, and tried to get back on the plan. I made it to the half, but I started struggling. My legs were hurting. I took a moment to stop and stretch, then I threw in an extra short walk or two. To try to compensate for fewer gels, I drank Gatorade more than I normally would. Of course they were handing out gels like after mile 20 so I passed on those at that point, and I avoided any food being handed out by spectators. I was doing all I could to save my run. By miles 20-22, I was pretty much done. I hurt really bad, and it was going to take sheer will to get me to the finish. I would run as long as I could making deals with myself that I could walk if I made to the mile kite or this block or whatever, or I would walk when the pain got really bad. Of course starting back was awful, and each time I moved slower and slower, including walking. When I hit 25, I wanted to tried to run the rest of the way in, but I couldn't  The tailwind (which was at least 30 mph) was making it difficult to not fall forward. I simply didn't have the legs to keep up with how hard it was pushing me! I bet no one has ever wished for a tailwind to go away, but I did. I saw the banner for the last ½ mile, and I forced myself to keep running (trotting, limping, whatever it was I was doing) to the finish. I made it and when I stopped, I wanted to lie down in the road. 

Moving through the finish area was really tough. I found it extremely difficult to walk. In these larger races, finish areas are big, and it's a maze almost that you have to go through to escape. I got out of that area, found my mom, and then parked it in the middle of the floor before I collapsed. Once I gathered my wits and felt better, it was time to get out of there so I could get warm and fed. Because we had come in hours earlier in the rain and darkness, we, along with many others, had a lot of trouble finding my car. I walked a LOT doing that, which really helped the soreness, but it prolonged my getting food and the recovery I needed. That night, don’t think I didn't TEAR UP a hamburger. It might be the best one I've ever had. After that it was a restful night in the bed watching the Golden Globes and reading all the fun text messages and FB posts from my friends. 

This one has taken a bit longer to recover from, but that’s not surprising. Right now, thoughts of another marathon are not appealing, but I'm sure that will change. I was not completely ready for this race, and I know that going into it. A couple of illnesses did not help my training, and of course, the weather was the worst I've ever run in before. I knew to expect it to be painful, long, slow and mentally challenging. It lived up to ALL of those expectations. :)  The positives are that I overcame. I overcame a tough injury that knocked me out of training completely. I overcame the fact that I wasn't as ready as I usually am or wanted to be. I overcame the weather. I overcame a huge mental battle that endured pretty much the entire race and even the morning before it started. Of those things, I am very pleased. This one wasn't about how fast or slow. 

I'm feeling good today and plan to be back to running in the next week or so. I am looking forward to jumping on my bike to train for my first century ride in May at G.A.S.P, from Austin to Shiner, TX. 

Number 12 in the books!

Taken immediately at the finish. I was pretending to feel good, 

but the smile completely conveys how happy I was it was over. 

It's been a while...

Ok, so it's been more than a little while, it's been nearly a year! In a nutshell, 2012 wasn't the greatest of years. The year started out getting over my injury, which turned into a mental injury. As I returned to running during the first five months of the year, I questioned my heart and desire for it. That's a tough pill to swallow, especially when running is melted into every area of my life. As the year moved forward, I sort of bounced back. I used my deferral for Houston's registration in May and started working with my coach again in June. Was I back? Physically yes, mentally, not as much. That was the theme for the year too. As a result of the injury, my run fitness suffered dramatically, which caused my mental fitness to suffer. If I couldn't run like I did when I got hurt, did I want to run? Did I want to run even if I did bounce back? I continued running, hitting and missing some days. I knew deep down I didn't want to quit.

So here I am. Houston is Sunday. After nearly two years I will be back to the marathons My 12th. And possibly one of my worst. I'm ok with it. I've accepted that it is what it is. My training wasn't spot on. My endurance isn't what it should be. My fitness is relative to what I put into the last few months. I will finish the 26.2 miles, but it will involve much slower paces and some walking. Saying all of that, I am kind of excited. The pressure is completely off. My expectations are low, which for a mental runner like me, is running gold. I will have fun regardless of the outcome. What a painful way to have fun!

2012 had its share of personal heartaches and struggles, but I'm positive that 2013 is going to be my year. You see, I turn 40 in a little less than two weeks. Yes, 40. I won't lie, it freaks me out a little. My life is nothing like I would have thought by this point, but I really wouldn't change anything about it. Saying that, I almost feel as if 40 is a new start in life for me. It's an empowering feeling that I am choosing over one of feeling 'over the hill.' I have new training and fitness goals for this year. I will aim to run another marathon in the fall. I will also complete my first century ride from Austin to Shiner, TX! I'm really PUMPED about that. It's something new and fun for me!

I'm also going to blog more. I spared whoever reads this of any mopey, whiney posts during the year I want to forever forget so with a positive year on the front, I am going to spread the blog cheer!  I will do my best to write a positive post about Houston. Ha! :)

Happy new year and happy running!

Pieces of the Puzzle

I guess my return to running like my old self is like a puzzle. I need to put the puzzle together one piece at a time. I am now consistently running my old schedule of Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday which is a definite positive step. While being consistent, I'm also working on building back my endurance and surprisingly that hasn't suffered as much as everything else. Last weekend, I was really only supposed to do 5, but I ran with a couple of friends and ended up running 7. I ran 8 several weekends ago, but the pace of this 7 was faster so I got a little tired near the end. All in all, it was great though. The best part is the next day I ran a very solid 4 with some of my fastest miles since the injury. My legs felt really good after the previous day's 7. Positives.

This kind of talk still shocks me. It's now been a little over 3 months since I was talking about 12 milers before work and checking off 45 mile weeks. Now I'm happy when I can run 7, or get 15 miles in a week. I've mentioned many times that this has been an ordeal, but it's also been an emotional roller coaster. Running has been a huge part of my life for 10 years and has been a part of many positive changes in me as well. It was suddenly completely stripped away from me. Not only was running stripped away, but being able to do any type of exercise was as well for a few weeks. I was very upset because I lost distance, pace, a marathon, running partners and you name it. It was some of the toughest emotions I had to battle over something so simple, and I felt alone.

2011 did not end on a high note and 2012 did not start on a high note. But I feel completely confident that 2012 will only get better from here. This year hasn't just been about the injury, there have been other difficult things going on in the rest of my life too. I took a step back and evaluated and thought about my roots. I grew up in church, and I actually didn't miss a Sunday until I was in the 9th grade. I became a Christian when I was 12. In college, I grew closer to Jesus than I had ever been in my life. I went to Him for everything. I had the strongest Christian friends, and it was all so amazing. I was able to spend 2 1/2 months one summer as a summer missionary in Montana, and I fully believe I grew up that summer. It changed my life. I have been able to participate in many mission trips and those can really take you to the highest spiritual mountaintop. Life, however, can bring you down so quickly. Since college and life in my 20's, I have had my ups and downs with my faith and my growth, as most Christians do. But it seems that I have had more valleys than mountaintops for the last 2-3 years. God never promised us that life would be easy and that just because we know Him, that wouldn't change. What He did promise us is that knowing Him would give us a place to go when things are good, bad, hectic, scary, and whatever else. He promised us love, joy, peace, comfort, and that He would always be there, we just have to go to Him. And He promised us heaven! As humans,we (me) tend to go to Him only when it's a tough time. And sometimes we (me) feel like we can handle it ourselves. Well we (I) can't.

I don't believe I have put running and exercise on a pedestal over other things in my life. In fact, I wasn't nearly as disciplined with my fitness as I could have been. So this injury wasn't to take away something I put over other things in my life, it was to bring me to my knees before Jesus to trust Him and only Him in all situations. Along with this injury, there were other things that changed in my life that took me to my knees. There has never been a moment in my life where I haven't been in church, prayed, and had a relationship with God. The problem has been that I haven't been consistent. There are periods when I am totally in tune with Him, then I try to take over control when things feel better. Each time, He brings me back to Him. Perhaps he really felt I needed a big jolt this time! It's just like the pieces of the puzzle I mentioned regarding running. There are pieces of the puzzle with our relationship with God too. They all have a purpose, and they all bring this peace to my life that is unexplainable. I'm going to keep working on this puzzle too.

Back to the Basics

The recovery story continues. I'm still making my way back to running and training. While I wouldn't call what I am doing now "training", it is still training. What I am actually doing is training to get back to training. I have gone back to basic running to get my endurance back so that I can start working on increasing my fitness.

I have only been running with a heart rate monitor for 6 or so months, and not long after I got it, my coach and I established some training zones. We used those some while training for Houston, to make me push it a little more or not push it too much. I am now using my HR strictly to keep from overdoing it. My runs are all listed as easy, but really they aren't as easy as I would like! I'm keeping my HR under a certain number, and I can definitely feel when it starts creeping up. I like having a number or some kind of data to follow to keep myself in check. What I don't like is how high my HR is at some of these paces I'm running. It's a very different feel for me. However, I trust what I am doing and that it will help me to return to my old stuff safely. For weeks I was spinning my wheels, trying to do too much too fast, only to find myself taking steps backward instead of forward. I feel like now I'm on a path to move forward and stay moving forward.

I'm approaching 3 months of this whole ordeal. I count the positives as much as possible to keep from dwelling on the negatives. That is hard to do, let me tell you. I want to be running 12 miles for fun on the weekends. I want to be with my crew having fun, reveling in the paces, and sharing stories. I didn't expect things to change so much or to feel so alone and left out because of something as silly as running. But running isn't silly to me, never has been, because it has made such a huge, life changing, impact on my life. That is when I try to turn my focus to the positives. In 11 marathons and almost 10 years of running, I have been healthy and just now had an injury of this nature. I'm also not hurting anymore when I run, at least because of the injury. :) And the one I have to REALLY focus on is I will be back to my old self. It won't be as quick as I wanted, but I will be back. I never expected this to last so long or to be so difficult to get over, but it is what it is and that I can't change. There is something I can do about it though, and that is what I am doing now.

I have only run the miles this so far year that I would normally do in a 2-3 weeks, and I might not be able to do a marathon this year. There are a lot of unknowns right now. I am running again though and that is progress. I have a lot of miles still left in these legs and this body, and I will achieve my goals.

Success of a Different Kind

First things first, I passed! I got the long awaited email today that I passed my comprehensive exam for graduate school. I had expressed to several that I was honestly worried about one section, but at this point, it was in God's hands. Several of my fellow classmates and I joked that all we could do is pray for mercy as our professors graded! And pray we did! In fact, before we started our exam that morning, all 12 of us formed a circle, held hands and prayed. God was on my side as I was able to remember what I need to in order to pass. I'm happy to have this behind me, and now I can finish my last class without worry and GRADUATE in May!

Ok, now to the running. Alec Baldwin says it for me. I'm frustrated. What's new you might ask? Well, in fact, nothing. I have had some progress, but I am still having a good bit of trouble moving forward without aggravation. Maybe I'm overdoing it, maybe I'm not doing enough. I have some aches and pains I never have, and I simply know that it is all because of the amount of time I was off. I don't remember starting to run for the first time years ago being this difficult. These aches and pains are what is holding me back. I'm SO READY to move forward and get this all behind me forever. I'm ready to meet up with my friends to go run 12 or so miles. I'm ready to do tempo runs and speed work (shocking I know)! I'm ready to put a race on my calendar and prepare for it. I'm debating on taking a few days off to get over a few of these aches and pains before they turn into yet another injury. And to also give my mind a break as it worries a lot about this training. I'm also going to trust. Trust that this is just one small blip on the radar and that I will overcome.

For today, I'm going to bask in the glory that is the passing of my comps and my upcoming graduation in May. This feeling is enough for now.

A Little Something in My Log Book

This week's mantra - I will have a successful run. I repeated this to myself a few times as a method to encourage me to get out there on a regular schedule and try. The last few weeks started pretty well only to fall apart in the latter part of the week. So this week was to be a new direction for me.

I am happy to report it has worked so far! I ran Sunday (not a great one), Tuesday (better) and Thursday (best run since injury). I kept to my typical schedule that coach and I sorted out last year which is spin on Monday, run on Tuesday, spin on Wednesday, run on Thursday, rest on Friday, run Saturday (long) and recovery run on Sunday. I still have two days left in this week's cycle, but I feel good about finishing. I think this is what I need to push my over that final hump and get me back to normal.

I noted that Thursday's run was my best since the injury. I've said that before, and I'm sure I'll say it again a few more times while on this journey back. But it was. My legs felt like they had some bounce in them, I wasn't as sore and I didn't feel any tugging in my injury. And I ran about 30 seconds per mile faster with no walk breaks. I've mentioned that I'm slower right now. I've been running 1 1/2 to 2 minutes slower per mile, but this run was only about 1 to 1 1/2 minutes slower. I'm having to run slow for a few reasons, one being I've lost fitness and another being I've been hurting. That's why I feel that getting back on a consistent schedule will help me push through some of that instead of letting it stop me. I have had to take it slow at times, resting a bit extra here and there for fear of re-injury, but I think I'm at a point where I can push forward. Fingers crossed!

And there is a rumor I might hear about comps soon. Another rumor is that so far, no news is good news.

I know whoever reads this does not want to read another post about my injury. I apologize in advance for today. But you see, this is in fact a blog primarily about my running, hence the title Dawn Will Run. And since for the last couple of months my running has consisted of this injury, and I haven't been able to train as I normally do, I haven't had a lot of running to talk about except for my continued attempts to return to normal training.

For a while, when I wasn't posting, I was having a super hard time dealing with the injury and the fact that I was not going to be able to run my goal race in Houston. I didn't feel much like writing. I wrote previously that with my racing season over, I am happy to have no pressure on me to return to normal training by a certain date. I can take my time, return as I am able, and that is a great feeling. However, I'm going to admit to struggling with all of this still. I want to run, miss running with my friends and even miss those early Saturday morning long runs. Currently, my running is sparse, very slow and sometimes lonely. It consists of constantly thinking and worrying about my injury, if it hurts or will it start hurting. That makes running almost seems like a chore. So the days when I feel like my injury is sore or something else is sore (which happens a lot now), I am almost relieved.

I feel that playing is safe is absolutely the smartest thing to do because it's not too far off in the past that I was in intense pain barely able to walk for about two weeks. I haven't run since Tuesday of this week, and I honestly haven't felt like I should try due to some of the aches I've had. The problem is I struggle with enjoying the gym and finding alternatives to running. There is nothing like the feel of a good, pain/worry free run, and I so miss that feeling. Today is the third day straight of complete rest, and I don't like that. I should be doing something else, but I'm struggling with what I want to do. I love my spin class and it's great cross training, but it's the plain gym work - treadmills, stationary bikes, elliptical trainers, etc - that I get so bored with.

On the flip side of this frustration, I admit to enjoying this rest a little. I loved being lazy and sleeping in today. And no I haven't done any exercise yet and not sure I will. I almost feel a little guilty for feeling that way. I know I'm all over the place. I say I miss running. Then I say I don't miss running. I like being lazy. I feel guilty for being lazy. That's why I'm writing today, to try to figure some of this out. The good points are that during this craziness, I have reeled my diet in and lost a few of the pounds I put on during the absence from running. I also massively cleaned my house today and rearranged my living room! I have quite a long list of things at my house to accomplish still!

So like each weekend, I will look to the start of the new week as the time when I finally get on a schedule of some sort. Let's hope tomorrow is the day. If not, I will look to the next week for that regularity to start. And I promise to go back to normal posts that include a lot of positive thoughts.