Life's Stresses

To just say that I am just stressed wouldn't do how stressed I really am any justice. If I were brave, I would post a video of my right eye twitching, which it has been doing for over 24 hours. So many things pop up into our adult lives, and it is sometimes hard to compartmentalize them and deal with them effectively. Right now I am facing several of these things. I find myself overwhelmed and all these things snowballing.

First, I take my comprehensive exams for graduate school on Friday. I have been very successful in my graduate program and am proud of my 3.96 GPA (would have a 4.0, no thanks to an A-). However, I suffer from test anxiety to a small degree. I get nervous about exams, midterms, finals, you name it, but I do ok because it's one class, one test, and I'm finished in an hour or so. But comps are different. I will have 6 hours of testing and all 6 of my required courses will be covered. I began preparation about 3-4 weeks ago by compiling notes and reading through them most every day. Some of this material hasn't been looked at in a year, and while I feel like I know the concepts, I find myself doubting what I know and if I really do know it. I am studying more intensively this week and just ready for it to all be over. Come Friday night, I will either be worn out or ready to celebrate. I won't celebrate officially for a few more weeks though, that's when I'll know if I passed or failed. I just tell myself to prepare the best I can, take the exam, and then the worst is over. I will be onward to May and graduation!

Second, my return to running is really frustrating. My injury is much better, and I've run a handful of miles here and there over the last 2 weeks. I find myself fatigued, naturally, but just not bouncing back as quick or as strong as I had hoped. I was off a while, so I figured this would be tough, but I was hoping to feel better quicker. This is the first week I'll be on a consistent schedule now that some traveling, work and sickness is behind me. So I'm hoping I can start turning the corner. Lately I feel like I take one step forward and two backward, and I don't feel like I am overdoing it which is what frustrates me the most. I'm focusing on taking it one day and one run at a time. I'm also really paying attention to my body, the injury and how I feel overall. I'm not used to being this weak, and it is an eye opener. I'm doing all the right things, so I just have to keep working, keep rehabing and try to stay positive.

Lastly, I have a few personal situations that are causing me significant additional stress. To quote my favorite band Coldplay, "nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard." As I grow older, those words are so true. Life gets better with age, but it certainly doesn't get easier. I have enjoyed growing up, but I am finding life's decisions to be pretty intense. These are the moments where praying is easy, but listening to what He has to say is hardest. Sometimes when we pray for answers, we don't like what we get. What is the toughest is I usually have running to relieve some of the day to day worries, but I don't right now. I'm going to learn something from this, and God has plans and lessons in each of life's struggles. So I will keep listening, trusting and praying. It will pass, and I will be better for it when it's all over. And I'll find that the world didn't end in the process. But right now, I need a vacation!!!

Treadmill Love

I'm learning that the treadmill is my friend. We haven't always been close, but we are growing our relationship. Last Tuesday, I attempted to run outdoors, and it was not a successful attempt. I got nervous about trying to run again so I put if off all week. Saturday, out of boredom, I decided to give it another go, this time indoors at my house on my own treadmill.

With the Southern Miss basketball game tuned in on the radio, and notes for my comps ready to go, I was set to workout. I decided, nothing fancy, keep it simple and take it easy. I walked 4 minutes, then alternated 2 minutes running and 2 minutes walking until I got to three miles. Then I continued to walk until I got an hour of time in. There was some pain in my injured area, but nothing as significant as previous attempts. In fact it never got worse, and it only felt more intense when I would start back running after walking. It was a great workout, but I still wasn't overly excited. Perhaps I'm being hard on myself or something, I don't know. But running was hard! When I ran, I was 3-4 minutes slower per mile - 3-4 minutes! And I was winded! So, no I was not that excited. But, I wasn't deterred from trying again. And I knew I would need to make friends with the treadmill to make this happen. Someone mentioned that the treadmill is a great way to monitor my progress, while keeping myself from overdoing it as I come back from this injury. It also will keep me from getting stuck a mile or two from my house and not able to get back! So...I had a plan.

Sunday, just a walk, no need to get in too much of a hurry. Monday, just spin. Again, no hurry. Since Tuesday is a normal run day when I'm healthy, that was the day to try again. I wussed out on getting out of bed to do it before work because during this month off, I've learned how to sleep late again! Plus, I'm typically a little stiff in the injured area a little in the morning. So, at the last minute before I left for work this morning, I grabbed some running stuff just in case I decided to go to the gym instead of using my treadmill at home. Something about my home treadmill just isn't as appealing.

I ended up at the Payne Center on campus for my run because I figured I needed the distractions of the people, the TV's and some new scenery. I hopped on, started walking for 2 minutes and figured I'd do the alternating run 2/walk 2 deal again. I did that sequence once, and I decided to push it a little. I was feeling good so I decided to maybe go 4 minutes. For the first half mile or so, I toyed with different scenarios for the workout, and then decided to go for a half mile. There was hardly anything going on in my injured area, so I was

going to get while the getting was good. The pain did increase, but ONLY slightly so I kept running half miles and walking a tenth of a mile. I was listening to my body the whole time though, and although some things ached, I felt pretty good! I was able to run a bit faster, but still about 2 minutes off my usual comfortable pace. I wasn't breathing as hard as Saturday. My legs didn't feel like they were screaming like last Tuesday. And my injury wasn't barking back at me (just wimpering). I went in aiming for 3 miles, but went on to 4. For the first time in a month, I felt like myself. The one who runs!

I might regret this tomorrow, but for now, I'm going to enjoy it. I'm happy. I am making my return.

Running: Cheaper Than Therapy

Boy is that true! And boy have I missed my therapy! The last 25 days have made me crazy. Gone are the hopes that I will make a comeback before Houston, before New Orleans or some other race. Who cares about all that because now I just want to run! And last night, run I did. Well, it was something close to it, and I really can't be that excited about it because it wasn't without some of the pain that has sidelined me for so long. It also wasn't without heavy breathing and stiff, dead legs. It feels like I'm starting over. And after almost 4 weeks, I am!

I couldn't resist waiting anymore. I went out with intentions of stopping at the slightest bit of pain, which I knew would come. For the first part of the run, all I could think was "I'm running"! Then I started thinking, "this is hard"! My legs were in complete shock. Then the slight pain started creeping in, but I was listening to it. It never got worse, but it was enough to keep me at 2 miles. The term "run" is used loosely in this situation because it was slow, it involved some walking and it probably looked really ugly! The best news of the night was the pain wasn't too significant when I was walking, it never got worse and I was able to go back out with Molly after the run for 2 more walking miles. I'm nowhere near being back, and I might not try running again for a couple more days, but I'm on the mend. And that is ok with me for now.

After the run and the walk, I assumed the position on the heating pad. It really has been a big help for the pain. I don't know if I tore something, pulled something or just had severe inflammation because, well, I didn't see a doctor. But something in me says it was more than inflammation. I was on an anti-inflammatory, muscle relaxer, icing, resting, etc. and that really didn't bring any relief, but heating and resting did. I'm continuing those things, but I'm finally easing back into some exercise, which I really wasn't able to do much there for a while due to the pain. Any slight bit of movement, and I wouldn't be able to walk for days. Sadly, it will only be minimal running, more walking, biking/spinning and maybe I can get myself back in the gym to become friends with weights again.

During all of this, I have found some peace with the situation, but I have also discovered that walking is BORING!

Reflections for a New Year

Needless to say, 2011 ended on a disappointing note, at least for running. My injury, which is now in its 24th day, halted my total miles for the year at 1500 something as well as halting my goals of a PR or any time in the Houston marathon for that matter, which is now 2 weeks away. The good news, the injury better, and I'm finally walking with no pain. Next step is returning to running with no pain.

Despite the ending, 2011 was a great year for several reasons. I continued my success in graduate school and am now staring down my last semester and graduation in May. I had a great year of running, including a good marathon back in March. I also had some great training and have enjoyed working with a running coach since April. Of course there were a few up and downs toward the end of the year, but for the 9 years or so that I have been running, I am lucky to just now have any kind of injury. I had some personal positives as well, which made the end of the year so much better.

I could look at the beginning of 2012 as disappointing because as I type, I am sick and can't run. I typically start my new year off with a run but instead I'm popping meds for this cold. And today, like all previous days for the last few weeks, I am hoping today is the day I am able to walk all day pain free or run. Reading Facebook posts about new years runs, new years goals, etc leaves me feeling a bit lost and sad. However, it's day 1 of a new year, and I have 364 more days to accomplish any goals I might set. I do have some mileage goals in mind, a marathon time in mind and a few other things. So the start of 2012 is no different from the beginning of any other year, I have high hopes.

336 hours

14 days. 2 weeks. 20,160 minutes. That's how long it's been since I last ran. I'm not obsessing about it if that's what you think. Ok, so yeah I am.

2 weeks ago, I ran a great tempo run which was preceded by a great 10 miler, which was preceded by a great 16 miler. I was on a roll. That Thursday of my tempo run, I had my usual stiffness, aches, etc. However, by the end of the day I was hurting - in my hip, my glute and lower back. I had trouble putting weight on it, but then again, I still considered it the usual aches and pains after a run compounded by a long day at work on my feet. Friday, it was better, and I had no worries about it being ok for Saturday's 18. The first 18. I was stiff Saturday, but again, I wasn't overly worried. I won't lie that it wasn't in the back of my mind, but then again, what isn't when you're headed out for 18. Sadly, as many of you know, the situation became a bigger situation. At mile 2.2, I realized it wasn't going to get easier as it was only getting worse. I made the always difficult decision to stop. I decided to walk back and call it a day, remembering the 3 day or 3 week rule. It was a nice 30 degree morning, and my thin long sleeve shirt and capri tights only did so much for my super slow walk back. It took me a little over an hour to make it the 2.2 miles back to my car, and by that time, I was completely frozen and limping significantly. The next three days were a simple wash, rinse and repeat. Sunday, felt better, but didn't run. Monday, the same. Tuesday, decided to go for it. This time, at .75, I shut it down. Also, this time the pain didn't get better the next day. I limped horribly for the rest of the week. I wasn't able to do anything in my Wednesday spin class, except ride along easily while I led the class.

Thanks to a couple of good friends, I had access to an anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxers. I became close with my foam roller and ice pack. All sounds good right? Wrong. None of it was helping. I scheduled a massage for Friday and anxiously hoped it would do the trick. It was a painful hour, but the massage therapist seemed to think the areas loosened up some. I limped out much like I limped in. And the limping continued. The first of my canceled race plans came Sunday when I wasn't able to run the Ole Man River Half Marathon in New Orleans. It was then that I realized the dream of Houston was over. Using my friend's heated seats on the trip to New Orleans and back, I figured out that heat was helping more than anything, and I found some much needed relief that day. Monday, I was able to spin a little better, and I felt better throughout the day than previous days. I was feeling daring so I decided to take Molly for a short walk after walk. I had planned to give a mile a shot, but it was a little tougher than I thought so I decided to cut it short. That was a good idea because soon after, I was limping horribly and in some pretty bad pain. As soon as I made it back home, I immediately went to Walgreens and bought a heating pad! I have been best friends with it all week, and I see more relief from that than anything else. I'm slightly encouraged that I'm better and walking better, however, it's by no means all the way better. I've lost fitness, gained weight and haven't been able to do much cross training during this time, and while the end is closer sight, I'm still probably another week or more from anything close to running.

So, Houston is over, and now I will be looking to other races or options for the spring. I had high hopes for Houston, mainly a PR and the elusive 4 hour/sub 4 hour marathon. It would have been my 12th, and after 2 years of lots of ups and downs (including some significant personal/emotional issues), I felt back on track and ready to really move forward. That will have to wait! My coach told me that it would come down to acceptance, and he was right. I've accepted it and have been focusing on getting better and healthy. He also said that it is not the end of the world. And it's not, but lately it has felt really bad. Working so hard for something to have it pulled away so quickly is very hard to manage, but this is part of marathoning. I'm lucky to have just now had an injury of any kind. I will get better, I will get my fitness back and before long, I'll be running again. I'm so excited for that day!!!

Recovery Week

Who doesn't love a recovery week? I do! For me, these weeks are just as challenging as other weeks. You see, coach and I have figured out a great schedule or cycle for my training. Two weeks with intensity and challenging running, and then one week of recovery. By the end of the second week, I am tired, my legs are tired and I'm ready for some recovery time! However, recovery runs hurt! During my recovery weeks, I struggle, and I usually feel crappy. But it never fails that by the time the week is over, and it's time to hit it hard again, I'm all better! Perhaps some of it is mental?

I was really sore at the start of this week. I'm having some soreness in places I've never had before so I'm stretching things I've never stretched before! Tuesday was warm and muggy, and the run suffered even more because of that. It was tough out there, and every mile or so, we took a short walk break. I felt more tired in spin this week than previous weeks as well. Thursday morning I was lazy. I slept late and it was really nice. I felt super guilty about not dragging myself out of bed to run though. I was still pretty sore in a couple of places, so it was probably good I waited. I had decided to get my run in over at my parent's later that afternoon, after the lunch feast had settled, but before the second go round at dinner. Richton is very small, and I knew that running 8 miles there would be a challenge. I did it, but I took several spins around the football field so I wouldn't have to do 4 repeats of the same streets! I was very happy to finish that run. And I wasn't as sore as earlier that morning. I was super lazy on Friday, and was ready to roll for my 12 recovery long run on Saturday.

So someone moved the Longleaf Trace sign or it fell during a storm, cause it wasn't there! I was counting on it this morning in the dark and missed the road. Luckily, I recognized the road and found it on the second pass. My plan was to start at Clyde and run toward Jackson Road to meet Terri and Jenny. I wasn't feel that great, and it got worse. After about 2.5 or 3 miles, I had to stop for a minute. I was light head, dizzy and nauseated. I felt horrible. Terri said I was white as a sheet. I had felt bad a couple of times during the morning and on the first bit of that run, but I had brushed it off as run jitters and stress due to not being able to find Clyde! So after a rest, I slowed my pace and made it back to Clyde where I decided to end the run. Only 3.5 miles, but I didn't want to force a run and get out too far and be stuck. It's recovery week!

I will live to fight another day, and I will be back busting out quicker, stronger miles Tuesday! This is all part of the process.

I'm Still Running!

So I realized this week that it has been over 6 weeks since my last post. I have become a terrible blogger this fall, and really the main excuse/reason is school. I have been slammed with weekly papers, online discussions where I'm reading articles and writing, larger papers, exams, you name it. It's not been a fun semester. Sadly, I don't see my blogging picking back up too much as the semester winds down. I take my comps in January so my spare time currently used for writing papers will be used for studying for my comps.

Anyway! Believe it or not, I have been running! I am 9 weeks (I think) out from Houston, and it's approaching much quicker than I prefer. I would prefer having a few more weeks thrown in for some additional training. I feel as if I was set back a bit with the calf injury then some sickness at the beginning of this training. But it's coming whether I'm where I want to be or not! I do feel like I'm finding some speed again, and I hope to continue building on that all the way up until Houston. Yesterday I registered for the Ole Man River half marathon in New Orleans on December 18. I will be returning to the streets where I met my demise in the gritty chewed up streets last February. I hope to come home scar free this time!

Luckily, the temps have dropped and my intensity is back. Lots of mile repeats, tempo miles and long runs over 12 miles now, which I am enjoying. We have had a gorgeous fall in south Mississippi, probably one of the most colorful we have ever had. We were blessed with cool temps earlier than normal which has caused the rich colors to last more than a few days, more like weeks. The time has also changed providing at least half of my runs to be in daylight! I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the sunrise over the beautiful fall colors of the trees. This morning on my tempo run, I also spotted the first deer of the season. It's funny how they are just deer, but I get so excited when I see them out on my early morning runs. They are so unafraid of us runners on the Longleaf Trace, and they seem to like us getting close to them, which is what we want!

And another thing, my beloved Southern Miss Golden Eagles are 9-1! For the first time since 1962! With a win tonight, we will secure a spot in the conference championship game. This has brought lots of excitement to me, our campus and our state! Go Eagles! Southern Miss to the Top!!!

So, until next time, and I will make no promises of when that will be! But I'll do my best, and of course I will KEEP RUNNING!