The beast awakens...

In my pursuit of reinvention, I have changed up many things in my routine. My running has changed due to the bike ride coming up in a few weeks, meaning, no Saturday long runs right now and getting in a run when I can. I guess my running several days in a row here and there is what woke up the beast. No, not what you are thinking. I'm not on fire and blazing a trail of speed and mid-week long runs. I'm talking about the now infamous injury of 2011-12. Yes it has returned, but fortunately, not in the severity of its first appearance.

I first noticed it about 2 weeks ago as a nagging tightness in that area. I've been a foam rolling fool for a few weeks now, and so I upped the foolishness to help keep it at bay. I guess this injury does not care about the foam roller because by Thursday of last week, the pain and tightness had increased. I pushed through a 6 mile run on Thursday, which was probably stupid. It didn't bother me too much at the beginning of that run, but by the last 2 miles, I was grimacing with each step. At my Versus workout Thursday evening, the warm-up 400 was excruciating. At the first step it felt like there was a reign on my right hamstring that got yanked each time I extended my leg. I literally limped through that lap. Luckily the rest of the workout had no more running. A good thing is that it does not hurt doing what we do in the Versus workouts or my indoor cycling classes, which is another sign it is not as severe as its first occurrence when I could do NOTHING for a few weeks. .

At the temporary office (thanks tornado), we have these chairs that even though they are upholstered and not too uncomfortable, it feels like I am sitting on a brick causing the area to ache and throb almost non-stop. So while at work I heated, walked around, stretched, and repeated all day long Thursday and Friday. I rested two days over the weekend, and I mean, I did absolutely nothing. It was feeling much better by Monday so I was back at it with cycling. I cut my Tuesday run back to 4 miles, but I felt it the entire time, While it wasn't grimacing pain, it was ever-present. At Tuesday night's Versus workout, we had about a mile and a half of running, but I was happy to notice it wasn't as bad as the morning run. I did try to stretch and massage it during the day so that it would be as loose as possible. After my shower and dinner, I hit the foam roller again for a good hour probably. That is one way to make your dog wonder what the crap you're doing!

Today, it's hard to say how it is. I taught cycling this morning and it was fine, although tight. Sitting on this chair right now it hurts so I will continue my routine of stretching it out and walking around while at work and return to the foam roller roller and heating pad tonight. I need to put this beast back to bed! I have big plans!

On a much more positive note, I am dropping weight. My efforts to better my diet, while not 100% clean, have been paying off. Clothes are fitting better and looser. I didn't weigh at the start of my diet change so I won't have a true starting weight, but I did weigh once last week . I will try to remind myself to weigh Friday when I go in to teach my morning cycling class and get a new number. I'm loving these changes and the new workouts! All part of the reinvention and all good!

Reinventing Myself

Following the great debacle that was the Houston marathon, I almost completely stopped running. I might get 10 miles in during the week. I had fallen out of love with running. The infamous injury of 2011 left me flat, and I almost didn't want to put forth the energy to get back into run shape. After forcing myself to do try and limping through Houston, I was done. Many Saturday mornings were spent in my cozy bed and not on the pavement. And did I care? Nope! It was not a bad feeling!

This last year has taught me something. I realized I don't have to feel guilty or like a slacker for doing things differently. I started biking more as a group of us have signed up for the Shiner G.A.S.P. century ride that travels from Austin to Shiner, Texas. I've logged quite a few long rides, but no major run mileage. I am learning to have fun with my training and try new things. I've also started a Versus Strength and Conditioning Athletic Training class in the afternoons. The group meets on Tuesday and Thursday in Petal. So far, I've only been going on Thursday due to my indoor cycling teaching schedule, but next week that changes. My class schedule has been adjusted so that my Tuesdays are free. I've really enjoyed this and am enjoying the positive changes I am seeing from this new type of workout.

In the last couple of months I have begun to slowly rebuild my run mileage. This time it's on my terms and not those of the marathon or peer pressure (it's me who pressures based on what others are doing). I'm slower than I used to be, and not the queen of the long run either, but I'm having fun. My friend Jenny, who recently completed her first half marathon, and I have been adding in some extra runs to our current schedules by going on a few runs during lunch. We both want to up our weekly mileage so a day or so here and there of running at lunch helps us both. The days here aren't so warm yet, and our temporary location (thanks to the Feb. 10 tornado's destruction to my office building on campus) allows for some great places to run. I have enjoyed running with her and seeing her runs improve, and it helps me to be more motivated and push a little harder again.

I have no goals, no races, no anything in mind when it comes to running. I'm doing it strictly for fun right now. Maybe I'll do another marathon, maybe not. I do know that I am riding my first century ride in May, and I'm going to get in great physical condition through Versus. Those are my goals, those are my plans, and everything else is just icing on the cake. Cake that I am not eating, by the way, because I'm also paying a lot more attention to my diet.

So, it really is a small reinvention of myself. For so long I have been defined by the run only. One day, I do hope to be back to a strong, faster runner again, but I'm not putting any pressure on myself or spending too much time focusing on it. It will happen when I'm ready for it to happen. Until then, more kettle bell swing, burpees, push-ups, bike miles, lunchtime runs, and a guilt free Saturday morning of late sleeping here and there.

I'm 40...

Saturday I turned 40. I am not sure what I expected, but when I look in the mirror, I look the same. I didn't suddenly wake up all stiff (well stiffer than normal) and not able to stand up straight. Do I see 40 when I look in the mirror? Honestly, no, I don't. Am I ready for 40? Part of me isn't ready for this new decade and how 'old' it sounds. I know 40 is not old because I am not old. I don't look 40, I don't feel 40, and although I'm mature, I don't act 40. So what is so tough about it?

I unexpectedly started celebrating my birthday last Wednesday. I teach 3 indoor cycling classes a week, and I'm pretty close with most of those in my morning class. They thought they would surprise me with a room decked out with black balloons, a happy 40th birthday banner, and streamers made up of the number 40. Oh, and signs on the door of the cycling room. Now, I like to think I'm good with surprises, but really, I'm just ok with them, and in the morning at 5:30, I'd say I'm pretty bad at them. My initial reaction to this was less than positive. Of course, I loosened up, woke up, and had a great time. They also surprised me with a goody bag of some of my favorite snacks, and an iTunes gift card since my music is a huge part of my class. It was a really fun and sweet surprise, and a great way to kick off the 'celebration.' 

My gals at work celebrated my birthday eve with me on Friday by treating me to lunch at one of my favorite places, Jutama's, which serves delicious Thai food. And I also received some really sweet gifts from them. 

The actual day of my birthday was very quiet. I had brunch at Southbound Bagel with one of my oldest running friends. We spent some time chatting and catching up, and I filled her in on the events of the Houston marathon. I would share a picture from this lunch, but the one I'd want to share, she wouldn't let me take. I relaxed part of the day,then closed it out with my mom, niece, nephew, and his girlfriend at the Southern Miss basketball game, which we won. I had to work a few hours on Sunday at an expo, but was able to spend the rest of the evening with a close friend watching movies and eating pizza. 

Monday we gathered at mom and dad's for the big family birthday bash. Dinner would be at 5, but I went on over early to spend time with whoever was at their house. The highlight of the afternoon was shooting a gun for the first time. This is odd for me since I have grown up around guns with hunters (tons of them), a dad retired from law enforcement, and a brother currently working in law enforcement. My oldest nephew talked me into going out to shoot. It was fun and scary all at the same time. My ears still aren't normal, but I am actually excited about going to do it again soon, with earplugs this time. The crowd began to gather and included my mom, dad, sister, 3 nephews, one niece, one niece-n-law, a great niece, a nephew's girlfriend, my niece's boyfriend, and I had a friend there also. We had a great meal, great laughs, lots of stories, even more picking on me, and my favorite, cake. It was the perfect day to celebrate with my family, and I loved it. 

Birthdays can be fun, but we have never been the type of family to blow a birthday out. I am not a big fan of being the center of attention so I am kind of glad it is all over. I guess now I won't have to worry about a tough birthday again until 50? Just saying that was hard... But, like I've always heard, growing older is better than the alternative. 

I do have one more thing to do this week that I am considering part of the birthday fun. Tomorrow night I am seeing Willie Nelson with a few friends. I am not crazy about country music, but I do prefer the older stuff so this should be fun. I mean, Willie is a legend! I will post pics in my next blog of this great adventure!

Oh, and I started back running today after a week and a day or two off. I am enjoying the rest and the relaxed running mentality a LOT! But it's good to be back on the road! 

Not that all this birthday stuff is over, and I am settling into my new age and new decade, this is what I know. 

I'm 40. I'm a runner. I'm a cyclist. I'm a sports fan. And I'm fabulous! 

Houston Marathon Race Report

I haven't been in a hurry to write this race report post as I have been pretty conflicted about how I feel about the marathon and a bit less than excited about this one. I should strive to find the positives in all things, even something like this that honestly was not that enjoyable of an experience.  You will understand in my report below.

That was probably the hardest one I've done strictly because I wasn't as ready and the weather was beyond terrible for an hour or so.I started out trying to stick to the plan, which was to walk one minute at the end of each mile, but the wind and rain were so brutal, I was having trouble focusing. Everything seemed so chaotic in the midst of the rain and driving wind, which was blowing the rain sideways in sheets into the left side of my body. My HR strap came loose in the first couple of miles so I had to get that all fixed back, then at some point, I lost TWO of my gels! I had them in my race belt, and I guess they weren't secure and just slipped out. After the first round of rain stopped, after 20-30 minutes from the start of the race, I calmed down and just tried to regroup. I was cold. I was soaking wet. My gloves were soaked so I got rid of them. I had on arm sleeves that helped even though they too were soaked, and I had made a last minute decision to put on capri tights instead of shorts. I’m glad I did because it helped shield some of the wind, but my clothes stayed wet for about 4 hours. The rain came back around mile 6 I think, and it was really hard with huge drops. I would say by mile 8 or 9, it stopped for good. Someone in the crowd even said that the radar was clear. So I regrouped again, fought off the urge to turn around with the half, and tried to get back on the plan. I made it to the half, but I started struggling. My legs were hurting. I took a moment to stop and stretch, then I threw in an extra short walk or two. To try to compensate for fewer gels, I drank Gatorade more than I normally would. Of course they were handing out gels like after mile 20 so I passed on those at that point, and I avoided any food being handed out by spectators. I was doing all I could to save my run. By miles 20-22, I was pretty much done. I hurt really bad, and it was going to take sheer will to get me to the finish. I would run as long as I could making deals with myself that I could walk if I made to the mile kite or this block or whatever, or I would walk when the pain got really bad. Of course starting back was awful, and each time I moved slower and slower, including walking. When I hit 25, I wanted to tried to run the rest of the way in, but I couldn't  The tailwind (which was at least 30 mph) was making it difficult to not fall forward. I simply didn't have the legs to keep up with how hard it was pushing me! I bet no one has ever wished for a tailwind to go away, but I did. I saw the banner for the last ½ mile, and I forced myself to keep running (trotting, limping, whatever it was I was doing) to the finish. I made it and when I stopped, I wanted to lie down in the road. 

Moving through the finish area was really tough. I found it extremely difficult to walk. In these larger races, finish areas are big, and it's a maze almost that you have to go through to escape. I got out of that area, found my mom, and then parked it in the middle of the floor before I collapsed. Once I gathered my wits and felt better, it was time to get out of there so I could get warm and fed. Because we had come in hours earlier in the rain and darkness, we, along with many others, had a lot of trouble finding my car. I walked a LOT doing that, which really helped the soreness, but it prolonged my getting food and the recovery I needed. That night, don’t think I didn't TEAR UP a hamburger. It might be the best one I've ever had. After that it was a restful night in the bed watching the Golden Globes and reading all the fun text messages and FB posts from my friends. 

This one has taken a bit longer to recover from, but that’s not surprising. Right now, thoughts of another marathon are not appealing, but I'm sure that will change. I was not completely ready for this race, and I know that going into it. A couple of illnesses did not help my training, and of course, the weather was the worst I've ever run in before. I knew to expect it to be painful, long, slow and mentally challenging. It lived up to ALL of those expectations. :)  The positives are that I overcame. I overcame a tough injury that knocked me out of training completely. I overcame the fact that I wasn't as ready as I usually am or wanted to be. I overcame the weather. I overcame a huge mental battle that endured pretty much the entire race and even the morning before it started. Of those things, I am very pleased. This one wasn't about how fast or slow. 

I'm feeling good today and plan to be back to running in the next week or so. I am looking forward to jumping on my bike to train for my first century ride in May at G.A.S.P, from Austin to Shiner, TX. 

Number 12 in the books!

Taken immediately at the finish. I was pretending to feel good, 

but the smile completely conveys how happy I was it was over. 

It's been a while...

Ok, so it's been more than a little while, it's been nearly a year! In a nutshell, 2012 wasn't the greatest of years. The year started out getting over my injury, which turned into a mental injury. As I returned to running during the first five months of the year, I questioned my heart and desire for it. That's a tough pill to swallow, especially when running is melted into every area of my life. As the year moved forward, I sort of bounced back. I used my deferral for Houston's registration in May and started working with my coach again in June. Was I back? Physically yes, mentally, not as much. That was the theme for the year too. As a result of the injury, my run fitness suffered dramatically, which caused my mental fitness to suffer. If I couldn't run like I did when I got hurt, did I want to run? Did I want to run even if I did bounce back? I continued running, hitting and missing some days. I knew deep down I didn't want to quit.

So here I am. Houston is Sunday. After nearly two years I will be back to the marathons My 12th. And possibly one of my worst. I'm ok with it. I've accepted that it is what it is. My training wasn't spot on. My endurance isn't what it should be. My fitness is relative to what I put into the last few months. I will finish the 26.2 miles, but it will involve much slower paces and some walking. Saying all of that, I am kind of excited. The pressure is completely off. My expectations are low, which for a mental runner like me, is running gold. I will have fun regardless of the outcome. What a painful way to have fun!

2012 had its share of personal heartaches and struggles, but I'm positive that 2013 is going to be my year. You see, I turn 40 in a little less than two weeks. Yes, 40. I won't lie, it freaks me out a little. My life is nothing like I would have thought by this point, but I really wouldn't change anything about it. Saying that, I almost feel as if 40 is a new start in life for me. It's an empowering feeling that I am choosing over one of feeling 'over the hill.' I have new training and fitness goals for this year. I will aim to run another marathon in the fall. I will also complete my first century ride from Austin to Shiner, TX! I'm really PUMPED about that. It's something new and fun for me!

I'm also going to blog more. I spared whoever reads this of any mopey, whiney posts during the year I want to forever forget so with a positive year on the front, I am going to spread the blog cheer!  I will do my best to write a positive post about Houston. Ha! :)

Happy new year and happy running!

Pieces of the Puzzle

I guess my return to running like my old self is like a puzzle. I need to put the puzzle together one piece at a time. I am now consistently running my old schedule of Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday which is a definite positive step. While being consistent, I'm also working on building back my endurance and surprisingly that hasn't suffered as much as everything else. Last weekend, I was really only supposed to do 5, but I ran with a couple of friends and ended up running 7. I ran 8 several weekends ago, but the pace of this 7 was faster so I got a little tired near the end. All in all, it was great though. The best part is the next day I ran a very solid 4 with some of my fastest miles since the injury. My legs felt really good after the previous day's 7. Positives.

This kind of talk still shocks me. It's now been a little over 3 months since I was talking about 12 milers before work and checking off 45 mile weeks. Now I'm happy when I can run 7, or get 15 miles in a week. I've mentioned many times that this has been an ordeal, but it's also been an emotional roller coaster. Running has been a huge part of my life for 10 years and has been a part of many positive changes in me as well. It was suddenly completely stripped away from me. Not only was running stripped away, but being able to do any type of exercise was as well for a few weeks. I was very upset because I lost distance, pace, a marathon, running partners and you name it. It was some of the toughest emotions I had to battle over something so simple, and I felt alone.

2011 did not end on a high note and 2012 did not start on a high note. But I feel completely confident that 2012 will only get better from here. This year hasn't just been about the injury, there have been other difficult things going on in the rest of my life too. I took a step back and evaluated and thought about my roots. I grew up in church, and I actually didn't miss a Sunday until I was in the 9th grade. I became a Christian when I was 12. In college, I grew closer to Jesus than I had ever been in my life. I went to Him for everything. I had the strongest Christian friends, and it was all so amazing. I was able to spend 2 1/2 months one summer as a summer missionary in Montana, and I fully believe I grew up that summer. It changed my life. I have been able to participate in many mission trips and those can really take you to the highest spiritual mountaintop. Life, however, can bring you down so quickly. Since college and life in my 20's, I have had my ups and downs with my faith and my growth, as most Christians do. But it seems that I have had more valleys than mountaintops for the last 2-3 years. God never promised us that life would be easy and that just because we know Him, that wouldn't change. What He did promise us is that knowing Him would give us a place to go when things are good, bad, hectic, scary, and whatever else. He promised us love, joy, peace, comfort, and that He would always be there, we just have to go to Him. And He promised us heaven! As humans,we (me) tend to go to Him only when it's a tough time. And sometimes we (me) feel like we can handle it ourselves. Well we (I) can't.

I don't believe I have put running and exercise on a pedestal over other things in my life. In fact, I wasn't nearly as disciplined with my fitness as I could have been. So this injury wasn't to take away something I put over other things in my life, it was to bring me to my knees before Jesus to trust Him and only Him in all situations. Along with this injury, there were other things that changed in my life that took me to my knees. There has never been a moment in my life where I haven't been in church, prayed, and had a relationship with God. The problem has been that I haven't been consistent. There are periods when I am totally in tune with Him, then I try to take over control when things feel better. Each time, He brings me back to Him. Perhaps he really felt I needed a big jolt this time! It's just like the pieces of the puzzle I mentioned regarding running. There are pieces of the puzzle with our relationship with God too. They all have a purpose, and they all bring this peace to my life that is unexplainable. I'm going to keep working on this puzzle too.

Back to the Basics

The recovery story continues. I'm still making my way back to running and training. While I wouldn't call what I am doing now "training", it is still training. What I am actually doing is training to get back to training. I have gone back to basic running to get my endurance back so that I can start working on increasing my fitness.

I have only been running with a heart rate monitor for 6 or so months, and not long after I got it, my coach and I established some training zones. We used those some while training for Houston, to make me push it a little more or not push it too much. I am now using my HR strictly to keep from overdoing it. My runs are all listed as easy, but really they aren't as easy as I would like! I'm keeping my HR under a certain number, and I can definitely feel when it starts creeping up. I like having a number or some kind of data to follow to keep myself in check. What I don't like is how high my HR is at some of these paces I'm running. It's a very different feel for me. However, I trust what I am doing and that it will help me to return to my old stuff safely. For weeks I was spinning my wheels, trying to do too much too fast, only to find myself taking steps backward instead of forward. I feel like now I'm on a path to move forward and stay moving forward.

I'm approaching 3 months of this whole ordeal. I count the positives as much as possible to keep from dwelling on the negatives. That is hard to do, let me tell you. I want to be running 12 miles for fun on the weekends. I want to be with my crew having fun, reveling in the paces, and sharing stories. I didn't expect things to change so much or to feel so alone and left out because of something as silly as running. But running isn't silly to me, never has been, because it has made such a huge, life changing, impact on my life. That is when I try to turn my focus to the positives. In 11 marathons and almost 10 years of running, I have been healthy and just now had an injury of this nature. I'm also not hurting anymore when I run, at least because of the injury. :) And the one I have to REALLY focus on is I will be back to my old self. It won't be as quick as I wanted, but I will be back. I never expected this to last so long or to be so difficult to get over, but it is what it is and that I can't change. There is something I can do about it though, and that is what I am doing now.

I have only run the miles this so far year that I would normally do in a 2-3 weeks, and I might not be able to do a marathon this year. There are a lot of unknowns right now. I am running again though and that is progress. I have a lot of miles still left in these legs and this body, and I will achieve my goals.