For a while, when I wasn't posting, I was having a super hard time dealing with the injury and the fact that I was not going to be able to run my goal race in Houston. I didn't feel much like writing. I wrote previously that with my racing season over, I am happy to have no pressure on me to return to normal training by a certain date. I can take my time, return as I am able, and that is a great feeling. However, I'm going to admit to struggling with all of this still. I want to run, miss running with my friends and even miss those early Saturday morning long runs. Currently, my running is sparse, very slow and sometimes lonely. It consists of constantly thinking and worrying about my injury, if it hurts or will it start hurting. That makes running almost seems like a chore. So the days when I feel like my injury is sore or something else is sore (which happens a lot now), I am almost relieved.
I feel that playing is safe is absolutely the smartest thing to do because it's not too far off in the past that I was in intense pain barely able to walk for about two weeks. I haven't run since Tuesday of this week, and I honestly haven't felt like I should try due to some of the aches I've had. The problem is I struggle with enjoying the gym and finding alternatives to running. There is nothing like the feel of a good, pain/worry free run, and I so miss that feeling. Today is the third day straight of complete rest, and I don't like that. I should be doing something else, but I'm struggling with what I want to do. I love my spin class and it's great cross training, but it's the plain gym work - treadmills, stationary bikes, elliptical trainers, etc - that I get so bored with.
On the flip side of this frustration, I admit to enjoying this rest a little. I loved being lazy and sleeping in today. And no I haven't done any exercise yet and not sure I will. I almost feel a little guilty for feeling that way. I know I'm all over the place. I say I miss running. Then I say I don't miss running. I like being lazy. I feel guilty for being lazy. That's why I'm writing today, to try to figure some of this out. The good points are that during this craziness, I have reeled my diet in and lost a few of the pounds I put on during the absence from running. I also massively cleaned my house today and rearranged my living room! I have quite a long list of things at my house to accomplish still!
So like each weekend, I will look to the start of the new week as the time when I finally get on a schedule of some sort. Let's hope tomorrow is the day. If not, I will look to the next week for that regularity to start. And I promise to go back to normal posts that include a lot of positive thoughts.